he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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