its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My dick has a subreddit
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
