Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I could fuck to npr.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
