Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
