She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
