Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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