Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
