You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
my liver is dry heaving
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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