i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
