dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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