i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
