then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
