Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
