we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i will never coherently bang her
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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