pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
