Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
