Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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