I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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