she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
