; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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