doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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