We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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