It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
