Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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