Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
