She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
