I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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