Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
pray to the hookup gods
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