he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
