oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
