Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
