I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
