im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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