I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
