1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
