my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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