I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
