Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
