ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
