We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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