Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
