dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
