Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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