have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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