Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
