Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
