We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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