guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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