I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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