If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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