I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
