But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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