those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
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Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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