The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
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I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
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I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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