I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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