Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
