she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
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If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
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He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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