Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
