you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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