we're chasing vodka with high fives
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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