so explain again why im purple
no
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
