My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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