you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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