if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The best revenge is premature balding
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
