I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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